Damage - The hollow bones of hope
by bettertoburnout
Summary: Beca x Chloe - Beca is broken and afraid to open up to anyone, preferring instead to push people away. But can this optimistic redhead break through her walls and save her? Oneshot. TW: Self harm scars


-Beca-

Maybe I should stop pushing people away. Maybe I've found someone I can finally let in...but I know all too well that people leave, and when they do they take debilitating chunks of me with them, until i'm the bitter core of the sweet apple, the hollow bones of a bird broken by the joy of flight. I sat on the edge of my bed, cradling my headphones in one hand and my phone in the other. I wanted so desperately to reach across the radio-waves and pull her in, pull her close to me, something to make me whole again as I knew she would, but instead I kept staring blankly at my phone, trying to forget the burning behind my eyes and the tightening feeling in my chest.

She's always had the most amazing sense of timing.

My phone lit up suddenly and vibrated with an incoming text, and my first reaction was to gasp loudly and throw my phone into the air in shock. I wasn't expecting to hear from anyone tonight. Jesse was watching a movie with one of his film-buff friends, and the Bellas had all gone out to some new nightclub, leaving me effectively alone on a saturday night. That was through choice, however. When invited to both events I declined, inventing an overdue essay to finish. My friends, used to my anti-social behavior merely shrugged and left me to it. So who was texting me? I reached over to where my phone had landed next to my pillow and nearly had a second heart attack when I noticed the name of the sender. Chloe. I unlocked my phone slowly, tentatively, already feeling the twisting knot in my stomach. The text read, "Wasn't fancying a night out after all. I know you don't have an essay Mitchell - wanna drop by my place? ;)" I was shaking now. Chloe really was something else. She'd already broken down my walls enough for me to unwittingly let her seep into every corner of my life, and it seemed that here was another reminder of how well she already knew me. It was unsettling for me, being as unused to proximity as I was. I took a few minutes to construct a coherent reply, "you know me too well, Beale. Be there in 5." after which I threw on a hoodie and made my way over to Chloe's room. The night was cold, and this only served to accentuate how she radiated warmth and light as she flung open the door with a squeal, a blur of red and blue. I found myself quickly enveloped in her confident arms, molten locks dripping over my face and shoulders, emitting the sweet scent of her favorite strawberry shampoo. The hug was long and comfortable. Ever since she barged into my shower, I had gradually become used to the startling lack of personal space with her. Her fingers pressed into my spine, and for a moment it seemed as though she was trying hard to convey something more through the touch, but then she drew back and smiled widely at me.

"I'm so glad you came, Beca! I've missed hanging out with you. Come in anyway, I have snacks!" She bounced back inside, and I followed nervously. I was starting to question my half-decision to open up to Chloe. In fact, I was actively regretting having the thought in the first place, because it left too much room for uncertainty, and uncertainty was never safe. Closing the door gently behind me, I watched as she flopped down gracefully onto the sofa, already beckoning me to join her with a playful wink. I sunk down beside her, her arm snaking around me as she giggled, reaching for the remote. She turned the TV on to some inane channel playing another mind-numbing soap, but left the volume down low.

"So," she purred, and I noted that her arm was still draped across my shoulders.

I blinked nervously. All of a sudden, I wasn't sure what was going on anymore. My emotions were being to swirl and change again, and I knew I was rapidly losing control. Chloe must have noticed the sudden change in my face, for her expression also faltered.

"Beca? What's wrong?" I couldn't stop the tears. The sadness hit me in a wave, pushing into every part of my body, waves of it lapping at my bones and leaving emptiness in their wake. I felt the light leave my eyes with each burning tear. Chloe didn't hesitate in bundling me up into a close embrace. I felt small and fragile, but encased in her glowing arms I suddenly felt much safer, and as quickly as it had hit the feeling left. I still felt numb, but the pain was gone now, the echo of an ache on its way out. I drew a shuddering breath as I exhaled the last of it out, feeling Chloe's arms tighten around me as she spoke.

"Beca, honey, please... I know it's hard for you, i've always been able to see that, but you... you need to try to let me in. I want to help you, but how can I help from out here? I... Beca, I.." She trailed off as I sat up, my gaze rising to meet her piercing blue eyes. She was trembling.

"I love you Beca. I love you, so please, let me in." I felt a gasp escape my lips. Did she just... She- My thoughts were cut off as she kissed me. It happened so fast, but then her face was so close to mine and her eyes were begging me to stay and the warmth just pulled me in. And now I was framed by her red tresses and enraptured by her kiss. Her lips met mine with gentle apprehension at first, rising quickly to desperate passion and something beyond anything I had ever felt before. I could almost trace the current running through our veins, hear the ocean in my ears but it was all in my head because I was lost in the kiss. It was like her kiss stabilised me once again. I regained control, and smiled as she broke away.

"I love you too, Chloe, and I'm ready to let you in." She gazed at me with such happiness in her eyes that I almost started crying again, but overly-emotional Beca had had her turn, and now I was going to be strong, for Chloe. For us.

-chloe-

"It's bipolar disorder. I've effectively had it forever, but it only really came to head when I was about 12 and only became diagnosable when I was 17. I'm going to have it for the rest of my life, but I can usually just about cope. I used to be on meds but I stopped taking them just before coming here because I hated the person they made me. I wanted to start doing things on my own..." Beca shook her head, eyes downcast. "I guess I shouldn't have been so arrogant, but it took over my life and I just wanted some control. Anyway, some issues that I had in the past recently came back and well, I guess I've just been trying my best to deal with them on my own. It's getting harder though, I feel so out of control now." She looked at me imploringly, biting down on her bottom lip. I smiled encouragingly at her, taking her hand in mine.

"Well you're not alone anymore, you have me now, and I'm gonna be here for you okay?" She nodded slowly.

"I'll be here no matter what, and I'll do whatever I can to help." She nodded again, this time staring back at me, and I saw fear in her eyes.

"What is it?"

"I'm afraid you'll hate me for it. Or it'll hurt you, or you'll leave..." She was starting to shake, and I quickly snuggled up closer to her.

"Beca, whatever it is you can tell me. I mean, i'm still here after what you've already told me and for god's sake, I love you, I could never hate you and I'm not going anywhere, okay?" She began to extract her arms from the embrace.

"I'm sorry for this Chloe, I never wanted you to know, I never wanted to hurt you this way..."

She started to push up the sleeve of her shirt on her left arm. I finally understood as the thousands of pink, red and purple lines came into view. Her wrist and forearm was mostly a mess of jagged older scars in white and purple, with several new red lines on top. Most noticeable was the newest of all, a thick gash with stitches that ran from the base of her hand to halfway down the inside of her arm. I knew what that meant. I felt with new intensity the attachment that I had to her now that I knew how close I had come to losing her without even realising.

"Oh honey" I managed to mumble as new tears escaped from her eyes and she looked away, evidently ashamed. I reached down and traced my fingers across the older lines, then without thinking began to kiss the scars on her skin.

"I still think you're beautiful, and I don't ever want to lose my best friend, or the woman that I love." I looked up again and noticed the look of hope that had crept into her eyes at my actions.

"You're really going to stay?"

"Of course I am! Beca, will you be my girlfriend?" Her look of disbelief was replaced with one of quiet joy and contentment.

"Yes please, I'd like that a lot."

"Good!" I grinned, kissing her again, this time drawing it out for a full 5 minutes. She seemed bewitched by the shades of skin where our lips met, and I had to admit that I was unable to look away from her, caught somewhere betwixt her hope-filled eyes and her sweet half smile. She was mine, and I was hers, and I hoped to god that she realised that.

"One more thing Beca," I murmured as she nuzzled into my neck. "Can you promise me that you won't leave?" Her head shot up, and she looked taken aback for a moment, evidently never expecting to be subject to that question, to that fear.

"Of course, Chloe, I don't ever want to leave you. All this," she gestured to her arm, "It's all just a stupid coping mechanism, an addiction I can't shake and I never truly wanted to die that one time, which is why I called myself an ambulance. So please don't worry Chloe, I have something to fight for now instead of just the emptiness and I'm going to fight hard." She clung to me now, obviously struggling with the sudden openness. I stroked her back.

"I know. It's okay, I just needed to hear that from you really, I know you can do it." I pulled her up to face me, and gave her a suggestive smirk.

"You know, we have the room to ourselves tonight. I heard Aubery say she was going to go and visit her boyfriend for the night instead of clubbing with the Bellas..." I let my hands trail down her sides, causing her to shiver in response to my touch. I leant forward and began leaving a trail of kisses down from her jaw to her collarbone, each one more burning than the last, until she was writhing underneath me. I smiled and sat up, ignoring her protests.

"What say you we take this to the bedroom?" I winked at her, then without waiting for her reply, scooped her up and dragged her into the adjoining room that held my bed, closing and locking the door behind me.


End file.
